"Take over or submit..." I say to the madness in my mind. Knowing that in this limbo is where it thrives.
Hello friend. It has been a long while since I have written, I know, but these words...these words get stuck when I try to convey them. Or, they just disappear. I know, and beyond knowing it, I feel how unimportant, how insignificant they have become. These words; formulated and written down in the vain hope … Continue reading Hello Friend – Entry 3
Hello friend. I'm still not letting you in and I wonder if you notice or not. Are the words I have been using, satisfying the questions you ask? Are my actions just as reassuring? I want to know if this mask convinces you. Maybe, if it does, if you can accept it, if it is enough … Continue reading Hello Friend: Entry 2
Hello friend. I tried, but I couldn't bring myself to tell you about my day. I am sorry. You should know that my voice gets caught in my chest somehow. All I want to do is tell you everything. All I want to do is to save you from me. I am in pain. I keep … Continue reading Hello Friend: Entry 1
Have you ever just been sitting in a room, maybe alone or with people who claim to love you and you them, and you just feel the air disappear? You know you're breathing but there has been a palpable shift in something; in pressure or density, that it just feels like the air has gone. … Continue reading In my head
Today, the words come slowly and with physical effort as I fade in and out of concentration. I know that it has been some time since I last posted. The days went by and time passed, carrying me on in its endless current while I tried to keep my head above water. This motion of days … Continue reading Conflict irresolution
What manages to chip away at me a thousand times over is not the pool of misery I seem to wade through on a daily basis; a pool that consists of every self-hating, self-diminishing and self-effacing thought that I have ever had in my life. No, what kills me is that I dreamed big. I took into … Continue reading Now, it is gone
It is amazing how numb one can feel when thrust into an environment one doesn't even consider as an actual environment; as part of nature - devoid of its own ecosysytem. A place where time and substance don't equate to anything. Then, you step out into surroundings that seem to breathe life itself into you. … Continue reading My frustration
It all starts with hope... This is a lengthy post and I thank you for your patience in reading it.
PLEASE BE WARNED BEFORE READING. This blog post is my personal experience or battle with suicidal ideation and action/inaction. My story. Please read with care and an open mind.